| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Jungle Jim |
Posted - 06/07/2004 : 16:47:04
All my posts seem to be directing people off to efestivals at the moment!
Oh well, here's another to have a look at if you have a few minutes, one of the funniest discussions of chavs, townies, pikeys, whatever the hell they are, that I have seen outside of the great chavscum.co.uk itself!
http://www.efestivals.co.uk/forums/index.php?showtopic=27355&st=0
Cider's coming home...
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| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Smithy |
Posted - 24/12/2004 : 09:42:54
There is an argos in town....its in the galleries and there used to be one opposite castle park + u can drive around the centre......
You are wrong gents
 
Hannah More Zider......
In the Dogging Tent |
| Ricardiño |
Posted - 24/12/2004 : 09:41:50
There was an argos in the galleries last time I was there
Make her day, put something in cider |
| Gents |
Posted - 24/12/2004 : 09:29:55
I got bored reading what that stupid yank had to say after the first few lines but the first things i noticed were:
- How were there cars in the town "center"? Its pedestrianised.
- There isn't an Argos in the "center" is there?
He has obviously never been there and is probably an Essex chav in disguise trying to make out somewhere is more chav-y than Essex.
ZIDER! |
| Jeff the Chef |
Posted - 23/12/2004 : 16:15:09
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Hat
Genius...
And If you go to Bristol town centre right now you can see all 12 days of Christmas in action!
Jack
Staunch defender of everything Essex
Damn, I missed the six teens a-laying!!
....Don't Tell I Tell Ee  |
| Smithy |
Posted - 23/12/2004 : 15:46:42
Im with Jack. Essex is the greatest county in England....
Hannah More Zider......
In the Dogging Tent |
| Jack the Hat |
Posted - 23/12/2004 : 15:41:54
Genius...
And If you go to Bristol town centre right now you can see all 12 days of Christmas in action!
Jack
Staunch defender of everything Essex |
| Jungle Jim |
Posted - 23/12/2004 : 15:38:22
On the 1st day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, a pikey in a Burberry.
On the 2nd day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 3rd day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 4th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 5th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 6th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 7th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 8th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, eight midriffes showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 9th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffes showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 10th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, ten lads joy-riding,nine ladies drinking, eight midriffes showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 11th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, eleven prammers pushing, ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffes showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.
On the 12th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, twelve chavvers chavving, eleven prammers pushing, ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffes showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry
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| Jeff the Chef |
Posted - 23/12/2004 : 15:05:04
That guy has obviously never visited Rugby.............it's definitely the chavest place I've ever been.
....Don't Tell I Tell Ee |
| Smithy |
Posted - 23/12/2004 : 14:06:31
I have been trying to tell everyone this for ages, at least it has now been proved....
From Chavtowns.co.uk.....
Bristol is definately the chaviest place in the entire UK. This is typified by wondering into the town center on a saturday morning (peak chav time). As you wonder closer to town you can hear the crinkle of tracksuits, the tinkle of multiple HUGE gold earings, and the goddamn hip hop blaring out of the cars. Sweat starts to build on your forehead as you realise that this might in fact be a really bad idea. You wonder if buying new socks is really worth it as an Argos "urgent restocking" van races past you, loaded to the axles with what can only be fake LARGE jewellery. Unfortunately I've got to do it. Let's look at THE SHOPS - not one sports shop actually sells any sports goods other than trainers, basketball vests, and tracksuits. We don't even have a national basketball team do we??? To the rest of us a sports shop is where you go to peruse a variety of sporting equipment but no, not here. Take a glance in any of the "sports" stores and behold Bristol's finest, laden from head to toe in everything described on chavscum, looking for "upgrades". You've seen it all already ..... Let's look at the TOWN CENTER Now ok, Bristol town center isn't run down but it has to win this prize BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE WHO RUIN IT! Now I have actually sat on one of those park benches in the center of town (it's called Broadmead) for 20 minutes just people watching, smoking to calm my nerves :). In 20 minutes and as God is my witness I saw 1, yes ONE non-chav couple. EVERYBODY else was chav classifyable. This does not include the shop staff i saw as generally people with jobs have a bit more respect for themselves. Room for discussion here i know but generally... The younger girls - big (ENOURMOUS!) gold hoopy earings or massive lumps of something that I can only think is supposed to make the wearer look rich, hair tied back so tight some form of machine was needed to do it, usually dyed, usually laquered (why? you've already tied it back!!) trakky bottoms, big rings..etc.... What I can't get over is that THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! It's as if there was only one originally then had some horrific accident with a photostat machine that unfortunately didn't ruin their features, just replicated them time and time again. I can only hope that slumside competition gets so ferocious that the earings get bigger and bigger and they all have tragic accidents with street cleaning machines...or something..anything..... The older girls - well I'd call them women but most of them look like men so older girls will do, even though most of them look like they've seen the rough side of 3 world wars. In Chav land it is illegal once past the age of 30 to grow your hair long. You immediately have to cut it so short it's either a number 2 or styled to look like every other chav mum. Again, large gold earings and of course leggins. Easy up, easy down, hence the "burgeoning peasant underclass". Mostly fat, no i got that wrong, mostly enourmous, with the occasional less wobbly one. McDonalds rules. The guys - where do i start? Traccy bottoms of course, or maybe some form of combat trouser with the top 15 inches of their calvins poking out the top. In fact some of them wear their trousers so low they should be classified as shoes. The caps...oh yes the classic burberry with that lovely tuft of hair poking out the front due to the obligatory angle of 38 degrees. Usually some sort of vest top or tracksuit top, and everythign HAS to have a label on it. Add to that a lovely gold chain or maybe a silver chain with a big cross hanging off it and there you go. Again multiple replicas wondering around, most of them have a fag permanently hanging out the corner of their mouths - for some reason i usually spot this first, maybe it's because I'm a smoker too, maybe it's a primeval instinct to avoid scum. The men - now these actually make me laugh. They gave up on all attempts at looking good at 30. Now their fat bellies hang out and that vest they bought in the sports store doesnt look so good any more. There's only so many times grease stains will wash out. I find that it's now that soverign rings and chains come into their own. The rings are the size of small cannonballs (need i say gold?) and the chains look large enough to keep an small ocean liner anchored in slightly large seas (no chavs, I'm not talking about the Atlantic here). What makes me laugh are the hideous beasts that are carrying the Argos bags alongside them. I've mentioned them above i know but these guys must have been soooo blind drunk at the time it tickles me pink. Every older chav bloke i see is seems sooo unhappy with their lot hahaha. And so they should be! Ok so that's the town center but i feel as with the nature of the webmaster's post i should expand a little to give you a feel of the town as a whole. Let's start with the cars - now we have a fair smattering of the old lowered novas with the gold hubcaps but the trend of late seems to be those hubcaps that spin round of their own accord, even when the car is stationary. Yeah cool man :0). Said enough already havn't i. Add to that huge spoilers that even have the manufacturers laughing themselves silly when they leave the factory and the seemingly obligatory blue downlighters and you get the general idea. You also have to watch where you go out down here unless you want to end up with the chavvers. Their favourite spots are the "Waterfront" and "Baldwin street". The waterfront is, as it sounds, on the docks and consists of various establishments battling for the drunken hordes by pushing 2for1 offers and your typical filthy clubs with "no jeans" policies and will only let in blokes if you're with women. I can understand this to an extent but when most of the women look like men then where does that leave them? Need i say that they all play the same trashy music - to this day I'm sure they all have the same 2 CDs. The DJ is the guy who consistently interrups the music by wishing Sharon a happy birthday (screams of delight and knickers off) and who is responsible for changing the cd. Baldwin Street is a street containing a few pub/club combos that I had the misfortune of stepping into at least once. Situated near the waterfront it has the worst club in Bristol. This club is called "Reflex". Yes, sounds classy eh? This place stands out by playing 80s music only (hmmm ghostbusters) and if you're male you're in trouble. The women in there are ferocious, aged between 25 and 70, and are dedicated chavsters to the extreme. I'm never been in such a horrendous place in my life which will kill your labido for weeks. Yes, if it's bloated tarts in overtight skirts you're after, or you prefer the older woman desperate for a sh@g who'll take you back to her estate and..well..quite frankly I'd really not like to let my mind wonder there. You'd probably come out in the morning with burberry elbow patches and think it's quite normal. What makes me laugh are the scored of blokes in there all trying to pull and all wearing different coloured versions of the exact same style "Ben Sherman" shirt! LET ME OUT OF HERE!!! To sum up, in chav land the word individual is posponed until the afterlife...if at all. Bristol should win this competition based on chaviest population in the world, day or night!!!!! I'm off to look for an A-Bomb on Ebay............ ps-I'f I've offended anyone here then GOOD - GO GET A LIFE AND STOP DRESSING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE U FOOL!"
Hannah More Zider......
In the Dogging Tent |
| Jack the Hat |
Posted - 23/12/2004 : 13:46:59
Proof that Bristol is far more chav tastic than anywhere in Essex:
http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/modules.php?name=Top
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| Gents |
Posted - 23/12/2004 : 12:52:23
Chav your house for only £49.99: http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10001&langId=-1&catalogId=2501&productId=105131
ZIDER! |
| Gents |
Posted - 22/12/2004 : 23:06:06
For the Chav-iest Christmas decorations in town, check out our homepage... http://www.hannahmorezider.co.uk/
ZIDER! |
| longy |
Posted - 22/12/2004 : 22:24:43
Smithy Saxos won as a chav car and you know it! |
| Smithy |
Posted - 22/12/2004 : 14:52:55
I think we both know that the score was the other way around!!...I won...
T, that was a shocking runner you did on sunday.....bottler....
Hannah More Zider......
In the Dogging Tent |
| T-Man |
Posted - 22/12/2004 : 13:52:05
That's not a bad shout Longy as we had a competition in smithy's car on the way down to WSM on Sat, Saxo's Vs Golf's as we reckon Sao's are far more Chav like and we beat Smythe 8-4.
Saxo = Chav car!!!!! |
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